


I Need Your Love

by Mycaruba



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: M/M, Razzabang - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 05:14:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2054979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycaruba/pseuds/Mycaruba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan starts dating guys and his roommate Barry is very concerned for him.  Like, weirdly concerned?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need Your Love

“Barry?”

“Yeah, Dan?” Barry turned away from his editing work to face his friend and roommate. He normally hated being interrupted, but he could tell that something had been eating away at Dan lately, so he gave him his full attention. Dan crinkled his nose in frustration and started to turn away before visibly steeling himself and turning back to Barry.

_beat_

“Barry, I, uh, I’m bisexual. I like guys and girls.” He quirked a small smile.

Barry was relieved that was all it was. “That’s cool, I guess. Whatever makes you happy. Be true to yourself or whatever.” He grimaced at the lame word choice, but he figured the sentiment had been recognized. Dan grinned widely. “You’re the best, Bar.”

“Mm-hm. Grab me a beer?”

Dan brought home a fairly handsome brunette man, probably in his mid-20’s, one night about a month after he came out. They strolled in, chatting about something football-related and laughing. Barry was in his usual editing position, curled up on the right side of the Grump couch with headphones on, listening intently to the recordings to catch any mention of his name. The brunette man stopped short at the sight of Barry, glancing warily at him before turning back to Dan.

“Oh, this is Barry, my roommate. Bar, this is Paul.”

Paul smiled tightly and gave Barry a quick nod. Barry, not to be outdone in curtness, merely raised his eyebrows in recognition before turning back to the task at hand. Dan’s boisterous voice split the sudden, odd tension. “Hey, do you want to see the picture I have with Geno Smith?”

“Yeah, definitely,” said Paul, trying to match the enthusiasm in Dan’s voice and falling short. Barry sighed. He couldn’t blame Paul for being weird. Running into the roommate of the person you were trying to get with could kill the mood a little. It was a distraction, a reminder that there was something beyond what you were feeling in that heady moment. He didn’t think Dan would be dating men quite so quickly, though.  _What do you expect. He’s been out of the closet for a month. Who knows how long he’s been wanting this._ Barry supposed it was Paul’s behavior that was rubbing him the wrong way.  _That’s not it either. He wasn’t even that bad, just a little awkward._ Still… It seemed too soon for Dan to just be jumping into something with someone he barely knew. He was only just out of the closet, so wouldn’t it make more sense to be with someone he knew better and trusted?  _Maybe they’re not even having sex. Maybe you’re just jumping to conclusions._  Yeah, right. _What else would they be doing in there? They certainly aren’t looking at any pictures._  Barry shook his head and pushed his headphones off, groaning. His mind was racing over something that wasn’t even his business.  _I don’t care who Dan sleeps with. I just want him to be happy. He deserves it._ He put aside the computer, stretched his legs, and turned on the TV just in time for the new Breaking Bad. He made sure to record it so Dan could watch later.

—-

The next morning Barry woke up to his text message tone going off.

From: Dan

9:18 AM

Come on over to Arin’s, Suzy made pancakes for everyone!

Barry smiled and began his stretching ritual, yawning deeply. Sleep hadn’t come very easily to him. It wasn’t that he was thinking or anything; he had just been preoccupied trying  _not_  to think of certain things. Like the fact that Dan was probably having sex, and maybe it was his first time with a guy. He hadn’t heard Dan’s door or the front door open, even though he was up until a little after two in the morning. Barry just couldn’t shake the feeling that Paul wasn’t good for Dan. He sighed, figuring he was just concerned; this was a whole new realm for Dan, and he knew how guys could be sometimes to get what they wanted.  _Maybe if I talk to Dan and tell him I’m concerned, I’ll stop thinking about this shit._

The second he walked into Arin’s house, he was accosted by Ross shoving a plate of pancakes into his hands.

“Thanks, Ross-”

“Do you want some whipped cream?!”

“Uh-”

Ross produced a can of whipped cream from..somewhere, and sprayed a liberal amount onto Barry’s pancakes.

“You goddamn son of a bitch!” Barry heard Dan’s voice genially boom from the living room.

“Oh, come on, you got to see, Arin is kicking Dan’s  _ass_ at this game!”

Ross raced away like an excited seven-year-old, almost knocking into Suzy. He gave her a sympathetic look; the two most introverted people in the group, they often commiserated over everyone else’s exhaustingly high energy levels. He took a seat in the far chair and began daintily cutting his pancakes. He snuck a look over at Dan; his hair was a little wilder than normal and he looked pretty tired, but otherwise seemed good. He was currently enthralled by some basketball game that Arin was indeed kicking his ass at. Once Dan finally scored, he stood up suddenly to give a victory cheer, knocking his thankfully empty pancake plate to the ground.

After the game was over, Dan got up to stretch and shake himself, then walked into the kitchen. Arin beckoned Suzy over and whispered something in her ear before kissing her cheek. Barry watched this display, then stood up to grab a cup of coffee. He strode into the kitchen to see Dan bent over, staring at the contents of the fridge.

“You ok, man?” Barry asked.

“Ugh. Yeah, just tired.” Dan pulled out an energy drink from the back of the top shelf.

“Up all night with Paul?”

“Mm.” Dan chugged half the can in one swig. “Fuck, I needed that.”

Dan looked down to see Barry watching him. “What?”

Barry sighed. “Nothing.”

“Aw, come on, care-bear,” Danny said, giggling.

Barry couldn’t help smiling whenever Dan called him that. He leaned his hand on the counter and faced Dan, although he couldn’t quite bring himself to look at him.

“Not that it’s any of my business, but um..I didn’t hear Paul leave last night?”

He cautiously raised his eyes to Dan’s, who was leaning up against the counter and taking sips from the energy drink.

“How late did you stay up last night?”

“A while. I..couldn’t sleep.”

“Ah. Well, mother, you’ll be glad to know we spent most of the night talking.” He grinned disarmingly.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Until like, three, I think. And then we just fell asleep for a couple of hours. He left at about six. Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. It’s just..that’s the first guy you’ve ever, you know, brought home. And I wanted to know if it went well, I guess? If I have to kick someone’s ass for being untoward, I’d like to know now.”

“Ohhh,” Danny cooed. “Are you concerned for me, Bar?” He put a hand to his heart and smiled, eyes crinkling.

“That is the sweetest-” Danny couldn’t even finish his sentence before he slammed the energy drink on the counter and lifted Barry in his arms, swinging him a little.

“Okay, okay! You can put me down!” Barry yelled, laughing.

Dan did, laughing hard. “Okay, I’m sorry. But, oh my god, Barry.”

“I know. It was stupid of me to ask.”

“No, no, it was incredibly sweet. Really, it means a lot that you care so much.”

Barry felt his face redden a little and he hooked his thumbs into his pockets.

“Just..you know how guys can be sometimes, Dan.”

“What, pushy? I know, and I can deal with it if it comes up. But I’m good, Bar. Paul’s really nice. I met him at this sports bar; he’s the bartender, and has two dogs, and he’s really close with his family, and he likes the Jets even though he grew up in Baltimore. I like him, you know?”

“Well, he sounds really nice. Just take care of yourself.”

“I will.” Dan bent down and gripped Barry’s body in a tight hug; his unruly curls tickled Barry’s nose, and Barry felt an odd pulling sensation in his stomach. They pulled apart to see Ross standing in the doorway, giving them his best _what the fuck_ look.

—-

With things resolved, Barry expected his spirits to lift and to stop worrying about what Dan did with other guys. It didn’t quite happen that way, though. Whenever he thought of Dan now, it was in conjunction with the idea of Paul, or some other random, nameless guy he might date in the future. Who knew what kind of person might come along and take advantage of Dan’s relative naivety in this department? It was odd; he never felt this way when he thought about his other friends dating. It gave him pause, to be quite honest. But he chalked it up to the fact that Dan had come out fairly late in life, and so lacked the experience necessary to not make mistakes. Not to mention the fact that Dan was one of the best friends he’d ever had. He guessed that he would continue to worry for a while, then get over it in the fullness of time. Dan  _could_  take care of himself, right?

The next weekend, Paul came over again. Barry was in his room, eating dinner and watching a movie on his laptop, when he heard them loudly stumble in, laughing.

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Paul exclaimed. “I tripped over your shoes.”

“Hah, sorry, I have comically large feet. My shoes are a certified health hazard.”

“Well, you know what they say about big feet.”

“They be saying ‘damn, he got some big feet!’”

Paul cracked up laughing at that, then there was silence for a few moments. Barry managed to hear a very slight wet sound over the movie (he may have turned it down in that particular moment). They were kissing. Barry froze for a second, then turned the movie way up. His breathing was still a bit labored when he heard the door click softly open. He looked up to see Dan poking his head in.

“Hey, Barry, Paul and I are gonna be out in the living room for a little bit. You okay in here?”

He nodded sharply. “Yeah.”

Dan shot him a smile and left. Barry took a large bite of his sandwich, not tasting it. Dan and Paul were going to be out there, on the couch, cuddling, probably kissing. Barry licked his lips. He felt a bit sad all of a sudden without knowing why; probably because this meant he couldn’t leave his room until they went to Dan’s room. Yeah, that must be it.

An hour later, Barry sat curled up, watching  _Love Story_ , which he so happened to have on his computer. It was pretty much the only romance movie he liked, not to mention one of his favorite movies. The tone of the movie was fairly sad, which matched his own mood. His sandwich lay abandoned on the floor. He sighed and paused the movie; much as he loved it, it was a distraction right now. Every sweet scene between the two leads reminded him of what may have been happening with Dan and Paul.  _They’ve been on two dates, they aren’t about to get married._  Yeah, but what if they do? What if Dan married someone? Barry groaned and rolled onto his back. He certainly hadn’t thought this much about Dan’s love life before he came out. He hadn’t thought about it at all, except to think about how jealous he was of Dan. Girls seemed to gravitate to him, first by the fact that he was in a band (albeit one that sings songs about dicks), then by his unassuming sweetness. He had never seen a guy with so many insanely attractive female friends. And now he was pulling handsome guys in. Barry still couldn’t put his finger on what bugged him about Paul. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong with him at first glance. He ruminated on the matter.

_It scares me that Dan could wind up dating someone that could hurt him. Although that applies to everyone, doesn’t it?_ Freedom to choose a partner meant risking pain. Everyone should have that chance. Barry felt like an insanely overprotective father with a newly teenaged daughter at the moment.  _It would make me feel better if he dated someone who I knew would be good to him._

_Like who?_ another part of him said.

_I don’t know…Arin?_

_He’s married. And straight._

_Ross?_

_See above._

_Me?_

He chuckled for a second, then stopped. Something resembling adrenaline was flooding his body.

He thought about how he had been shocked and then sad when he heard Paul kiss Dan.

He thought about the feeling in his stomach when Dan had hugged him.

He thought about the fact that he had taken a dislike to Paul from the start with no real reason.

He thought about how he’d been thinking about Dan’s love life pretty much non-stop for over a week, and how that wasn’t exactly what straight best friends did.

His face suddenly flushed and his palms began to sweat.

_I’m a fucking idiot._

His phone went off, and he nearly jumped out of his skin. His heart was still pounding when he saw that it was a text from Dan.

From: Dan

8:42 PM

All clear. Thanks, man.

Barry’s eyes widened and he strode quickly into the living room. The couch was empty, though there were some disheveled blankets strewn around on it. He glanced at Dan’s door, which was closed. He bit his lip, then slowly paced back to his room, where he shoved his face into his pillows and began to cry softly.

—-

Barry felt that the least he could do was not let Dan know about this latest development. It wasn’t Dan’s fault that he had been dumb enough to fall in love with him and not even realize it until Dan was already dating someone else. Barry appraised himself in the mirror the morning after the second date. He was hardly up to snuff in the looks department, or so he thought to himself as his eyes scanned his body for flaws. Not as handsome as Paul. Not as tall, either. Hadn’t Dan said he was attracted to taller girls? Did the same hold true for his taste in men? He didn’t actually know what Dan liked in a man, although he figured it probably wasn’t him. Barry heard voices chattering outside his door; he waited until he heard the front door open and close before throwing on clothes and coming outside. He walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water before glancing at Dan; he didn’t look as tired or as happy as he had after the first date with Paul. Barry sat on the arm of the couch to Dan’s left.

“So, how’d it go?”

Dan smiled as he munched his cereal.

“Good, yeah. We were both kind of tired, so we didn’t stay up past midnight.”

Barry kind of wanted to know, but really didn’t want to ask.

“And if you’re wondering, we didn’t do anything. Just talked. A lot.”

“Do you…want to? With him?” Barry asked, hoping his tone didn’t give anything away.

“Kind of? I don’t think I’m quite there yet. I  _do_  like him, though. He’s smart, like he’s going to MIT and just working at the bar for the summer…”

Barry let Dan gush about Paul while his mind wandered back into the murky sadness that had been plaguing him since last night.

It wasn’t like this was a total surprise. He had a few crushes on guys back in tenth grade, although since nothing came of them, he kind of pushed them to the back of his mind. Adolescence was a weird time, and he didn’t think a few fleeting feelings meant much for his current sexuality. He hadn’t felt anything for a guy since then. He had never felt about anyone the way he felt about Dan. He remembered, thinking back on it, that the guys he had crushes on in high school were the kind who acted a little cocky, a little brash, but sooner or later revealed themselves to be sweet and caring people to those they were close to. He had never told them about his feelings, fearing not just violence and scorn, but the loss of their friendship. He could deal with a punch or people calling him names, but his friends rejecting him entirely because he had tried to change the nature of their relationship wasn’t something he could handle. So he kept his outward desires to those that were socially appropriate and not terribly risky; he told people he was straight, even if he had some not entirely heterosexual feelings in the past. Now he could no longer deny who he was to himself, or the way he felt about Dan. He loved him. But how the hell would Dan respond if he told him? He didn’t think it would result in hatred, but it might change the nature of things. Two people of compatible orientation being friends was a potentially precarious situation to begin with; if Barry told Dan how far his feelings for him went, he honestly didn’t know what would happen. But he was so tired of fighting with himself and his own feelings about Dan.  _Turns out I wasn’t concerned with Dan’s happiness. I just didn’t want him to be with anyone else. God, I’m selfish. If he’s happy with Paul, who am I to say anything?_

—-

Barry began taking long, solitary drives at night to avoid being home when Dan and Paul might be together. He didn’t know how long he could keep it up without Dan noticing something was amiss, but it was something he could for now do to keep his mind off things. As if every tiny thing didn’t keep bringing Barry back to his situation. Hearing a certain song on the radio; seeing a head of dark curly hair in the next car over. He wished the human mind could conveniently forget dilemmas that were patently impossible to resolve. What good did it do to keep coming back to the fact? He was driving one night, wondering if he should get dinner, when a commercial came on the radio. He changed it to a different station and heard the honeyed tones of the Righteous Brothers.

_Oh_

_My love, my darling_

_  
I’ve hungered for your touch_

_  
A long, lonely time_

Barry felt his throat suddenly get tight. He coughed to get the knot out, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from watering up. He pulled into a parking lot and turned off the car, then climbed into the backseat and curled up, clutching a stuffed animal that someone had left there. Now that he could cry safely, he found he couldn’t bring himself to. The sudden pain that the song lyrics had brought had lessened, and back here he just felt small and pathetic.  _I have to stop this. He could never love me. I need to stop thinking about him. I have to go away for a little while. Just take my mind off things until I can bear to look at him again._ He didn’t know how long he lay there, occasionally letting out a small gasping sob. At some point he heard his phone go off. He turned stiffly to pull it out of his pocket.

From: Arin

9:15 PM

Something happened with Dan. I can’t go over there right now. Can you stop whatever it is you’re doing and help him?

Barry’s mind started spinning. What could have happened to Dan that was important enough that someone needed to be there? Wait…hadn’t he mentioned that Paul was coming over tonight? He hadn’t…hurt Dan, had he? Barry shook himself and pitched forward into the driver’s seat, hurting his ass slightly in the process. He turned the car on and made his way home as fast as possible.

_Lonely rivers sigh_

_  
"Wait for me, wait for me"_

_  
I’ll be coming home, wait for me_

—-

Barry slammed open the front door, panting from running up the stairs, and immediately began looking for Dan. He wasn’t anywhere in the living room, but he noticed Dan’s door was closed. With some trepidation, he walked to it and knocked forcefully. “Come in,” a weak voice called.

He burst in and saw Dan curled protectively around something, his back to the door. Barry walked cautiously over and saw that Dan was cradling a wad of blankets to his chest; there was a roll of toilet paper next to his head with several soggy tissues strewn about.

“Dan?”

Dan turned his body towards him. His eyes were red and puffy, and his hair was extremely disheveled; yet he managed to crack a small smile at the sight of Barry.

“Hey, care-bear.”

Barry huffed a sob and grabbed Dan, pulling him into his chest. Dan gripped Barry’s shirt and sobbed in his lap; Barry stroked his shoulder and vowed that, whatever Paul had done, he would pay for it. After a while Dan heaved a great breath and sat up, trying to smooth his hair down.

“Are you okay? What happened, Danny?”

Danny licked his lips. “Well, Paul came over, and we were just kind of eating and talking, and he started getting kind of pushy about…stuff. Like he brought up sex every other sentence. I got the hint, you know, and I told him again that I wasn’t, like, ready, and he kind of flipped out. He said he had already wasted enough time with me, and the least I could do was give him a blowjob.”

Barry’s veins were like ice. “Danny.”

“So I told him it wasn’t going to happen tonight, especially not if he was gonna be a pushy dick about it, so he just kind of stormed out.”

“Th-that’s it? He didn’t hurt you? Not to say that wasn’t really hurtful, but he didn’t-”

“No, nothing like that. He was just an asshole, you know?”

Barry heaved a sigh of relief and ran a hand over his face. “Jesus. Here I am thinking I’ve got to kick someone’s ass for you.”

Dan laughed. “I mean, if you want to. He kind of deserves it.” He twirled his finger in his hair. “Would you have kicked the shit out of him for me?”

“I would have done a lot worse than that. I was really scared, Dan. Arin texted me and said I had to get over here right away. I guess I assumed the worst.”

“Yeah, I texted Arin about it. He’s all the way in Burbank, so he couldn’t get back here until way late. I guess he assumed you’d be quicker getting here. Where were you, anyway?” Dan asked, quirking his eyebrows. Barry couldn’t meet Dan’s eyes, so it settled on the nearby tissue box.

“Just, uh, driving around, getting some air.” His eyes flicked to Dan for a second. That was a shitty lie, and Dan knew it. Barry decided to change topic.

“Listen, are you okay? Because that…is a really shitty way to treat someone.”

Dan picked at the mattress cover. “I guess? I really wasn’t feeling it with him anymore, to be honest. Like, we kind of ran out of things to talk about on our first date. The second date was just him talking about how great he was at football in high school. Like, four solid hours of how much he kicked ass at something ten years ago. What, you haven’t done anything else interesting in your life since then?”

“I thought he went to MIT?”

“Only because his parents made him. Football’s apparently the only thing he cares about. That and getting head, apparently. But there kind of has to be more to a person than that. I think he picked up on the fact that I didn’t like him that much, so he tried to get something out of me before he left.”

“Why did you keep going out with a guy you didn’t even like?”

Dan sighed. “Because he was the only guy who was interested, Bar. I’ve asked out a dozen guys in the last month, and he was the only one who said yes.”

“No way.”

Dan shrugged. “Guess I’m not boyfriend material. The best I can get is a self-absorbed jerk.”

Barry shook his head. “That’s not the best you can get, Dan. I  _promise_ you’ll find a guy who actually cares about you. Don’t give up, okay?” He put his index finger under Dan’s chin and tilted his head up; Dan met his eyes and smiled. He absentmindedly stroked his thumb on the small area under Dan’s lip, recoiling once he realized what he’d done. Dan smiled and grabbed Barry’s hand.

“Hey, it’s okay. I won’t flip out if you do stuff like that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Would you mind…never mind.”

“What?”

“I was gonna say, would you mind, like, sleeping here tonight? I still feel a little shaky and bad after what happened. But you don’t have to if it makes you uncomfortable,” Dan said, turning his head away.

“I do want to. There’s no reason I wouldn’t, Dan. You don’t have to worry about me being uncomfortable around you,” Barry said, wiping a tear that had trickled down Dan’s cheek with his thumb.

Dan smiled shakily, looking like he was about to start crying again.

“Hey, I didn’t really have dinner. Why don’t we go get the biggest ice creams we can possibly buy and watch something together?” Barry asked, hoping he sounded jovial.

Dan had wrapped his arms around his knees and was looking up at Barry in the most adorable manner possible. “C-Can it be  _Love Story_? I really like that movie.”

Barry felt like someone had just punched him hard in the gut. “Oh, god, Dan.”

“What is it?” Dan asked concernedly.

Barry put a hand over his face but it couldn’t conceal the fact that he had started crying. Dan let him, feeling extremely confused. After a minute, he put his hand on Barry’s arm. “What is it, Bar?”

“I love you, Dan,” Barry choked out. “I’m  _in love_ with you.” He shook his head. “And I know this is not the right time to tell you that, because you’re vulnerable and emotionally exhausted, and I know this might fuck up everything we have, but I physically couldn’t stop myself from saying it, Dan. I fucking. love. you.”

Dan blinked a few times, trying to work something out in his mind. “But what does that have to do with  _Love Story_?” Then Barry was laughing and crying.

After taking a bit to calm down, he explained how he’d felt when Dan had gone out with Paul, how he had discovered his feelings, and how they’d been eating him up inside ever since. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I  _do_ love you, Dan. But, mostly, I just want you to be happy. You deserve it, if not from me, then from someone else.”

Dan blinked owlishly and took Barry’s hand in his.

“Alright, first off, you didn’t need to worry about losing my friendship. No matter what happens, I would never just kick you out of my life.” He ran a thumb over Barry’s knuckles. “And you’re right, I  _am_ feeling vulnerable right now and it’s not the best time for me to be making decisions and promises. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But…” he grinned mischievously. “It’s not like I haven’t thought about it.”

Barry cocked his head. “What, uh, have you thought about, specifically?”

Dan quirked a grin. “Just my hot roommate going down on me after a long day’s work. And me returning the favor.”

Barry had unknowingly started gripping the bedsheets with one hand. “You…thought about that?”

“Mm-hm. Like, before I even came to terms with being into guys. Realizing that I was into you was kind of one of the tipping points.”

Barry’s throat made an odd squeaking sound.

“I had this dream once where you were just sitting on the couch editing, and I was right there blowing ya.”

“ _Dan_.”

Barry looked at Dan pleadingly and Dan laughed. “Okay, I’ll stop with the teasing. But I am into you, Bar. And not just for your hot bod.”

Dan leaned forward and kissed him softly, the kiss lingering until they were both short of breath.

“I just need a little bit of time, okay?”

Barry nodded. He would probably wait forever for Dan, although he found the sentiment a little too cheesy to utter.

“I have an important question, Barry.”

“Yeah?”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “How do you feel about Ben and Jerry’s?”


End file.
